Have u ever at any point of time feel really exhausted tat u wish to give up on everything...
I did.. N it is now...
I never ever felt so tired and stress up...
Not because of the long run..
Not because of studies...
It's all the choices that I have to made in life..
I know life can't go on without making choices..
But I really hate the process..
Why do I have to make all these F***ing choices..
Can I just leave on with my life peacefully??
I can't even have a proper sleep at nite for the past few days..
I keep waking up...
I'm really TIRED!!! PLEAE SPARE ME!!!
SOBZ.. =(


Just yesterday.. I was thinking...
What izzit like to just drop down from a 12 storey building?
I dreamt of it once...
No worry.. I wun do stupid things..
ARGH!!!!!!!!! I VERY FAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not gonna care about anything....
IF you wanna be my fren den be it..
If u wanna be my enemy.. SO be it..
I'm just gonna work my ass off..
N RUN!!!!!!!!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sobz..
What should I do...
I'm confused...
Really confused.......

Today mark the end of my Fairytale which I longed for so long...
Today oso mark the first day of Singlehood..
Suddenly felt that something is missing from my life..
N i feel so lost and clueless which direction to go..
N worst of all.. I got flu for the whole morning..
Feel so helpless and weak...
Constantly looking at my handphone, hoping to see ya messages..
But.... No messages..
My heart really hurts and i believe i will nv see ya sms again...
I cried again when talking to my 3 ah girls after my run...
Just couldn't take the fact that I lost u..
But whatever it is.. It's the fact now..
N thanks to my 3 ah girls.. I'm better now..
Thanks girls for standing by me..
N of course.. My best bro..
Thanks for keeping my company during the toughest time..
I dunno how long i can remain strong..
But at least till this moment.. I hope i'm alright..
I will take a step each time to heal my wound..

I dunno whether you gonna see the following msg... But if u do...
" Thanks for every single thing u have done for me.. Though we didn't manage to walk together till the end.. But all the happy memories will be remembered.. It's nv easy to make that painful decision.. But that decision will do both of us good.. Whether or not, we are able to be friends.. Just to let u know.. I never regret knowing you and having u as my dearest.. Thanks and sorry for everything.. Last sem le.. Jia you.. Do take care of yourself and dun overwork.. Have more fruits and sleep early so that you dun have constant headache.. Dun always quarrel with ya parents.. Whatever they do, they wish that their child receive the best.. Take lots of care and hope we can still be good frenz.."

Went for a stroll after my briefing..
Went over to Esplanade where you and I had a memorable time there...
Got myself a fondue from Chocz..
I finished the whole fondue which suppose to be for 2 persons..
Hoping that it will somehow cheer me up...
But it didn't...

Was sitting at marina bay for 6hrs..
Hoping to get a reply from you after my last msg to u..
But all I received was the following msg from u..
"Dear.. I finish school le.."
N there was no more reply from u..
I was hesitating to make my final decision..
But when i hear nth from u..
I decided to end everything..
N ur reply is the same old thing..
Making me feel that I'm the cause of everything..
Not treasuring things that u have done..
How about U? Did ya reflect on yourself..
Why do u have to always think u are always rite?
Whatever I say are not going through ur mind..
I really dunno how to explain to u..

I'm really tired and u are not helping me..
Pls spare me.. I'm really at the edge of being mad and collapsing..
N i tell u.. If I could.. I really wish to take a knife and just end my life..

So what even if I went for OB taiwan and climb 1 mountain..
So what even if I climb Gunung Stong...
So what even if I join Great Eastern Run...
So what even if i completed 10km run..
So what even if i completed it non stop and finish it at 1hr 13 min..
The person I wish to share the news with wasn't even there and doesn't even know what time my race is..
N what should I do??
Pretend that I'm being ridiculous and childish??

I'm a failure in Studies..
I'm a failure in OB..
I'm a failure in Friendship..
I'm a failure in Relationship..
I'm a failure in my personal attitude..
I'm a failure in EVERYTHING...

I HATE myself..
N I really do...
N if ever I reach the point that I just wanna let go everything..
I really wish that I'll be gone for good....

School reopen..
Been quite busy for the past few days and it gonna last until dunno when..

Mon & Tues - Went office to work and was training on tues
Wed - Training again..
Thurs - Collect goodies bag and go work at Spag
Fri - OB training..
Sat - Helping out as Volunteer at Pinnacle Race
Sun - Women 10k run and stong sub comm outing..


Next week..

Mon - Briefing for Michelle Camp
Tues - Whole day tutorial and training..
Wed - Michelle camp
Thurs - School and shopping trip with my 3 daughters..
Fri - OB training and OBT presentation
Sat - OBT meet up session
Sun - Cousin Wedding dinner.

Am i Really busy or am i trying to find things to keep myself occupied?

At this point of time.. I no longer has the sense of belonging to something i treasure..
Everything is not going the rite way... N i no longer wish to hang on to it..
I just wanna enjoy the rest of the sem with things that are worth the time..
N i'm glad to know the Stong sub comm which make me realise that there is still something that i can look forward to even it is just a small training..
But how long will this bond last???

Just ramdom thoughts i guess..

I'm just hanging in the middle of the air.......

Yap.. I'm back from stong le...
It was a totally new experience for me even though I went once before..
Yap.. N it is true that even though u climb the same mountain again, the experience gain will be different and you have to treasure every single moment..
This time, instead of being a participant, I'm going as Expedition Leader..
It was really tired and difficult..
The stress I have to endure is great..
You have to worry about everyone safety through out the whole trip..
Whether the programme goes well and did everyone enjoy themselves..
Making last min decision...
All these are not easy...
Even you are very very tired, you cannot show to participants that you are..
You still need to be steady and pretend to be strong..
It is not easy.....
But yap.. I manage to endure and everyone is back home safely.. GOOD!!!

N YESH!! I never kanna LEECH BITE.. WHEW..... =)

Something that i should be proud of myself..
I manage to climb up mount stong summit and down all the way with the least help..
Yesh!! I'm getting stronger.. N i need to get even stronger to help more people...
" It's all in the mind and heart that make impossible things into possible..."
Yesh.. i shall start training NOW...


I have to thanks all stong participants to make this trip sucessful. I hope you guys really have fun and learn sth.. Thanks all the year 3 for all the help you have given to the year 1 and 2.. Thank you my sub comm for all the hard work that you guys have put in to plan this whole trip.. Thank you!! Sorry if i'm fierce towards anyone of you.. Thank you for your understanding.. Take care and have a good rest..

Photos to be posted up soon..

OH NO!!!
Had been eating lots of food since my return from Taiwan..
I'm very sure that I had gain weight..
ARGH...
I guess i need to cut down on the sweet and unhealthy food..
Great Eastern Women 10k is just two weeks away...
I have yet to train..
School start i shall start on Monday, Wednesday, Fri and one weekend..
Anyone wanna join me for a run??? =)

Had dinner with Rebz and Jason yest..
Haiz...
Everyone seems to be bothering about the word "LOVE"
Ai ya.. Take it easy man..
If have den have lo.. If not, den be single lor..
Why make yourself so tired and angry..
Everyone is still young....
N they are so many mountains out there for u to explore..
N me myself is still exploring.. =P

Wish everyone luck in finding your true one.. Take your time.. haha..

GUNUNG STONG.. Here i come... =)