I think of all my problems
I think of all my pain
I think of all my sorrows
Until I go insane

I think of all the smiles I've worn
Which hide sorrows underneath
No one seems to notice
That I go through so much grief

My tears seem to keep flowing
Inside my tired eyes
Each time I want to tell you
My words come out lies

These days I'm feeling down
Far away and weak
My sadness pulls me further
From the Happiness i seek

I've just began to realise
That my hopes and dreams are gone
I'm walking down a dead-end road
Huming a tuneless song

I'm standing on a rooftop
Although i'm scare of heights
I'm watching the cars beneath me moved
And somehow this doesn't feel right

Now I think what I'm doing
I know I should find a way
To beat through my depression
Will I be able to, Someday?

Someone might be there
To help me make it through
Maybe they will listen
And tell me what to do

I'm seeing through the darkness
And I'm starting to trust a few
I think i'll try to make it.
So I can be there for them, too

Am i pushing myself too hard? Am i killing myself slowly as times goes by? Why am i working like shit just to do the things i want? Why is life so unfair? Why can't things just be easier for me? Why do i have to go through all these? All these questions left unanswered. N i noe i wun get any answers to all these questions..

To most people out there.. I've been always a strong gal.. A gal that take and let go of things easily. A gal that is always happy go lucky, crapping and joking around.. But is tat the real me? Am i really happy? Even if i'm not, what can i do? I'm tired of all the smiles i've worn.. I try to optimistic. I keep telling myself: " Christina, everything gonna be fine.. Tomorrow will be a better day.." Did things go smoothly for me? The answer was NO.. More and more obstacles seems to keep coming up my way.. I just dun understand why, while other 17 years old gals are busy dressing themselves, shopping, go for movies go clubbing, happy dating with bf.. I'm down here working part time jobs and encouraging myself tat life is not sux.. Working damn hard to fulfill my dreams to learn piano and getting the things i really want for a long time. While some people out there just take things for granted. Life is so unfair..

Maybe i look too highly upon myself. Keeping myself so busy, interested in every single thing and wanna learn them. But do i have the ability to do tat? Am i capable of being ambition.. At first i'm confident to tell u.. I am.. But now? Dis confident of mine is fading as times goes by.. Someone just tell me wat to do..

I no longer have faith in friendship and relationship.. I'm lost.. Every failed friendship and relationship i went through make me worn out.. I put in my heart and in end, wat i get? Betrays, take advantage of me by thinking tat whenever they need help, i'll be there.. My fault or theirs? What have i done wrong? If u noe, please tell me.. I'm sick of guessing... Life is complicated..

WHO AM I???

Kkz.. So how was my first day of work yesterday? Erm.. Overall was ok.. I was feeling very uncomfortable when i first enter the resturant. Cos that was during their break time and when i walked in, everyone look into my direction as if they saw a monster.. Haha.. Working with them was fun. They dun distant themelves from the newcomer and keep on encouraging me to join in their talks.. After 5 to 10 mins of intrduction, dinner time start. OMG.. that was a lot of people.. People keep coming in and out for the next few hours. I was like running round the resturant like mad.. Trying to remember the name of the dishes when i serve. What the hell, the dishes names are really long... But manage to remember a few though. Haha.. =P

Went back with one of the working frenz down there. We had a little chat.. She was a lady from China and she was saying " I realise sth, all singaporeans girls look the same with long dyed hair, wear sleeveless shirt, denim skirts and slippers.. no difference at all." I agree with what she say.. Everyone just follow the fashion trend blinkly without having thinking whether it suit u first. Where is their own unique character? Do u really have to follow what people do? But sometime things are just like tat. When people dress the way they want which they think that it will bring out their unique character, people start critising about their dressing.. Dun say others.. Sometime i do that too..Why izzit so? Haiz.. Human are weird.........

Got quite irritated when i went back school to do project. We do left lots of things not done wor.. For me, i noe myself. Though our time is limited, i just wants everything to be perfect. That is me.. Once i'm given a job, i will do it the best. Not mingle through pretending everything is alright. What is this man... Maybe due to dis character of mine which make lots of people dislike me ba.. What to do, this is me... I will try to make things as perfect as possible... Haiz...

Kkz.. Yah.. I got the job.. Were waiting anxiously yesterday for the manager to call.. Finally received his call after OB training.. Were so happy after hearing the good news.. But somehow need to go till Tanglin Mall for training.. Dunno will get back to Paragon ma.. More convenient for me.. Start work on Tuesday right after school.. Work during dinner shift.. I wonder how i gonna die.. Hope every thing will be fine on tat day..

Wake up early for work at delifrance. Told sir tat i have to stop working at delifrance for a while after dis week as i need to concentrate on my studies and finish up my projects.. Yaya.. They are just lies.. I can't possible tell him tat i need to stop for a while cos i got a new job ba.. But while working.. I suddenly feel damn moody.. I wonder did i make the right choice? If i really quit. I bet i gonna miss delifrance a lot.. NOT the shop but the managers and friends i noe down there.. I just get so use to joke around with dem... Being the youngest abt dem.. Everyone dote me so much.. Joke, play, work together regardless they are my manager or my colleuges.. Three years at delifrance as part timer.. It is really a long period of time... My first job in my teenage life.. Still remember i get in when i'm 14 ( u dun believe rite? is the truth.).. A blur secondary school kid working.. Everything oso dunno.. Until now, teach the juniors drinks and everything.. Haha.. Haiz.. Now leh.. Tuesday start new job le.. I gonna start learn from the basic thing again. Will i get to meet so many nice aunties down there who will cook nice food for me or chit chat with me? Haiz.. I still like the old concept of delifrance when we can really joke and play while working.. Now everything change.. The management sux to the core.. Haiz.. The pay? Worst.. But if not because i need money for my courses and everything.. I bet i'll still stay down dere ba.. But now everything is differernt.. Nth to hold me back... =( I'm confused.. I miss delifrance but delifrance management sux. How? Haiz..

U noe wat time i wake up??? 8AM!!! OMG.. That is so early.. Wake up a little late cos i somehow missed the alarm clock timing.. Haha.. Too tired i think.. Quicky washed up, got changed and rush down to the bus stop to meet Zhe Ying. Haha... But i think he is more tired than me.. Even at the bus stop he oso can fall alseep.. PRO.. Haha. I'm not those will softly call u up.. No way.. haha.. Somehow give him a soft? hard? hit.. haha...

Felt a little hungry when i reach school.. Went to campus deli to buy sandwich. The shop suppose to open at 8.. I was a little early.. After begging.. Haha.. The aunty agree to make the sandwich for me.. I'm so touched but oso a little guilty.. After me, there was a long queue. N there is onli one aunty helping out.. OMG.. Sorry.. =(

Realise i forget to do a personality quiz which need to be done and printed out today.. I'm in damn shit.. Lucky got that stupid stitch to lend me his lappy.. if not.. i can die hao le.. haha.. =) Have fun during lessons.. Arguing with the guys beside me.. Haha.. That is me man.. But my day even brightens up when i get to eat hersheys chocolate.. Haha.. So cool man~ Who bought those chocolate for me?? haha..

After school went Town for interview.. Reach there around 1 plus.. OMG.. I didn't noe i can onli go for the interview after 3pm.. I have no choice but to wait.. Two hours!!! Time pass damn slowly sia.. HP low batt cannot play games.. Damn sianz.. After two long hours of waiting finally can go for interview.. Quite nervous but manage to clarified all the doubts abt the job. Do i get the job? I dunno... Wait till Friday den we see how.. Haha.. =)

Hoho.. First day of the week again. Haha.. Monday Blues... Wake up so early for school.. Sianz..

First of all.. Before i blog about wat happen today.. There is sth i need to clarify. Erm.. Acutally rite the previous post abt the guys making a choice between lady like and sporty gal.. I'm just asking out of curiousity.. Hehe.. I find this topic interesting therefore ask dis question.. Hehe.. NOT refering to my incident and definitely not me.. I asked a few guys abt this question.. All have their own opinions and everything.. Time to noe a little abt what human being are thinking.. Haha.. Me and my crap question.. But anyway really thanks for all the encouragement i get from u guys out there.. I really appreciate them.. N now.. I'm proud to say.. I'm starting my NEW LIFE.. haha.. Those tat miss my golden smile.. Dun worry.. I'm back to the Christina i used to be.. Crapping and being lame wherever i go.. Haha.. Dun u dare to say i too noisy hoh.. Haha.. =)

kkz.. wat did i do today? haha.. Of course.. Normal school days.. After lesson stay back till 5pm. Waiting for a lady from tribune to interview me on the South Asia Earthquake relief.. Haha.. During the interview.. I really dunno wat i'm talking abt.. A bit nervous as it was my FIRST time people interviewing me wor.. Haha... Wat an experience.. Hehe.. After interview... Rush to CCK.. Strolling around while waiting for the clock to strike 7.. Hehe.. PIANO lesson Time.. Cool~.. The teacher is a friendly lady.. So nice to have her as my teacher.. Erm.. First lesson.. most of it is Introduction... Learn the basic thing like notes values, noe where which key is located.. Bleah bleah.. haha.. Looking forward for the next lesson.. But meanwhile.. Practise and practise.. Haha..

It's Sunday.. Wake up around 1 plus.. Wash up, eat, watch tv, pack my study table as it was a mess... Do my stuff till 5 plus.. Went to cck to meet Wei Hao for dinner.

During our conversation, we discuss quite a lot of things. Both of us have totally a different view of life.. No common at all.. For me.. Just wanna live my life to the fullest.. For him.. He just wanna play and lead a simple life.. Maybe tat one of the reason how come we cannot be together ba..

Got puzzle over some stuff.. Erm. How should i phrase the question? Erm.. Izzit true that guys like those that are more lady like than ladies that are more adventurous and outgoing? What wrong with ladies liking outdoor stuff like mountain climbing, trekking, kayaking... etc? I still dun get it... I thought is the 21st century le.. How come some guys still have this type of thinking? Ego or wat? Afraid that gals are stronger than the guys? What the reasons? What ur opinions? Hey.. those reading my blog.. Tell me what u think abt it.. Haha...

Erm.. Lots of question left unanswered.. Erm.. Should find out one by one.. Asking for opinions and everything.. Hehe..

Haha.. went sch at 10 to help Kelvin with the games for CARE Camp. After tat.. Like normal school days.. Go for lecture and tutorial.. Boring day... End lesson at 5.. Rush off for OB training which start at 5.30pm..

First day of OB training since semester start.. Suppose to be warm up training... But in e end.. OMG.. Do running, run up staircases dunno how many time, push-up, blood brother......... Now leg a bit wobbly liao.. haha.. But have fun with the other OB mates actually.. Went mac for dinner.. After dinner, slack there for a while.. Plan for CARE camp.. Den dunno why from talking abt nite walk change to all those ghost stories.. haha.. Listen till me, wen ting and ming hui nearly dun dare to go back home.. haha..

Tml working morning.. Arh.. must wake up so early.. OH NO.. nvm.. bare with till wednesday... Once the interview susceed.. i will change job liao.. haha...
Oh ya.. Monday start piano lesson liao.. cool Man.. looking forward for it.. hehe.. =P

2 months.. counting down.. what will happen when i turn 18? haiz.. Should i or not look forward to it??

South Asia Earthquake Relief had roughly come to an end.. The collection was okie actually.. Collect a few boxes of blankets and winter clothing.. Whew.. I believe they are more people tat are willing to donate if they are given notice earlier.. Our collection is like a bit rush.. The publicity was not really enough.. Haiz.. But doing the donation drive.. Get to learn a lot of things.. Planning, Publicity, Reports and everything.. So many things tat are so new to me.. A bit can't catch up.. Lucky got kor kor Jason, Brother Rico, Bernard and Dee that guide me along e way.. They intro all the big heads to me, teach me to look things at differnt view and lots of stuff.. A really great experience.. As i say.. This is my first time doing these thing.. N i can comfirm this is not gonna be the last for me.. Yeah Man.. More things coming up from me.. Whahaha... I wun disappoint u guys..

Care Camp leh.. Still needs lots of planning.. Looking forward to it sia.. Hehe.. But after Care camp.. It's time to settle down for my studies le.. If not.. Oh no.. Gonna work hard sia.. I must excel both in studies and cca... Need to start planning my time le.. Haiz..

Had a good chat with dear dear yesterday.. After discussing.. The better solution is to let go.. Both of us are busy with our stuffs. No time for each other.. There aren't any other solution beside letting go.. Though a bit bu she de.. But as long as dear dear is happy.. I'm satisfied le.. So glad that we end our relationship in a happy way ba.. Both of us were chatting happily till we hung up.. Glad tat we are still frenz.. Hope tat we still can stay in contact forever.. A bit not used to it without him around.. But i believe i will be able to get over it soon.. I must jia you.. Dear dear.. Hope things are going well for u.. N remember that my heart is always with u.. Hey couple out there if u guys are reading my blog.. Treasure your bf or gf.. Dun wait till something happen den start regretting.. Spend as much time as possible with him or her though u are busy.. When there are things in ur mind.. Say it out and discuss with your partner.. Dun hide it.. It onli gonna make things worst.. Give my blessing to couples out there.. =)

2 months more.. hehe.. Will my dreams come true? Haiz.. I still believe in fairytale n miracle.. kkz.. Time to get some rest le.. Have been sleeping late and waking up early for school things.. Need to replenish my energy...

South Asia Earthquake relief had started.. Result wasn't really good.. Now onli manage to collect four boxes of blankets and winter clothing.. Hope tml there will be more things coming in.. Haiz..

School life ma... Boring.. Maybe due to not enough sleep.. Keep falling asleep during class.. Lecture and tutorial are so sianz.. Can't stand it... Hope to get into study mood soon...

Relationship?? Worst of all.. One week plus didn't get to see him.. Haiz.. Our distance are getting further and further away.. What should i do?? Haiz..

Mentally and Physically tired.. Hope tml is a bette day.. Haiz..

Suddenly realise tat 2nd semester cannot slack anymore le.. Time to get into serious stuff.. This whole week, we were told about our project that need to be handed in on the 4th week of school. N noe wat.. 1st week of school is ending soon.. OMG... 4 projects to be completed... I can't imagine.. Gonna be so busy...

Erm.. Preparing for South Asia Earthquake Relief.. Planning for CARE camp.. Hope all these things goes well.. Hey guys reading my blog.. Do give a helping hard in the South Asia Earthquake Relief.. We really need all those items such as ground sheets, tents, first aid supplies and blankets.. Search your House!! Bring them down to NP mail Room on monday to wed.. =P As for CARE camp.. Still in the process of planning.. It gonna be fun i bet.. hehe.. Looking forward... Oh ya.. saw the G.L recruitment for Sports camp.. Haha.. Cool~ Gonna sign up on monday.. Hope i will be able to get in.. hehe.. =P

Need to do some planning for my time.. If not.. I will be so busy till no time acc my frenz and dear dear.. Dear.. Thanks for giving us another chance.. Camps all these are my life.. I really hope to get your support..

Sianz.. Still coughing non stop.. Hope my sore throat gets better so i can eat all those good food... Just wait to eat dem.. hehe.. =P

2 months and 7 days... Counting Down.. hehe...

OMG.. Third day of school le.. I'm still sort of in e holiday mood.. Get use to sleeping late and wake up late.. Find a bit hard to change back to normal routine... Which is sleep late but wake up earli.. Sianz Diao.. I woke up six plus in e morning as i got a class at 8am.. That is damn early lo.. Dragged my heavy feet to school.. Forget to bring timetable n nearly get to e wrong class.. But lucky in e end.. still manage to find my IAC class.. U noe.. Usual stuff.. First lesson will be introduction time.. Bleah Bleah Bleah.. Was quite boring actually.. But one good thing is tat get to noe more frenz from different class & course.. Two hours later.. went for LMS.. haha... Same classmates as IAC.. Cool rite? During that two hours of LMS.. we were like happily chatting away.. Joking around.. haha.. That sort of brighten up my day a little.. All of dem were really friendly and easy to get along.. YEah man.. N first day of LMS.. I already kanna bully by my group mates... cos my voice is still sore N i'm e youngest in e group.. OMG!!! haha.. But had a great time though... Oh ya.. First week of sch. I already got two projects coming up.. What is dis man... Time to get busy soon... =P

Now is 1.24pm.. Two more hours before i start work.. Today gonna be a long day for me.. Cos not enough staffs at work.. Left me and my manager at the dining area.. Cannot imagine wat gonna happen to me after work... End work at 11.30pm.. Tml start work at 7.30am.. Bless me.. Haiz.. What to do???

Two months n 2 days... Counting Down.. hehe.. Dear dear.. miss you lotz...

There is a sudden change in my life yesterday nite.. In such a short time, my life turn to darkness.. I'm lost.... My dreams, my happiness vanish just like tat.. His every single sentence is like knife piercing through my heart.. It hurts..

Why are u so cruel to me? Why listen to your so called "noe u well" fren? Just because u dunno how to answer his questions which suppose to be true.. How well he noe me? He didn't even see me before.. Wat the hell..

Dear.. I really wanna be with u.. I'm trying real hard.. But are u? Now to e extend.. Sometime i'm like wondering are u telling me things truly from your heart or are u trying to hong wo.. I really dunno wat u thinking.. If like tat.. how are we gonna communicate? To say the truth.. Are u able to find e feeling towards me? I dun wish to be hurt again.. The feeling sux to the core.. I'm just a simple gal who are really easy to satisfied.. I dun understand why things become like tat... Haiz.. Dear.. I love You.. I really hope things are gonna be fine between us...